| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2006|04:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tv | ] |
I can't go back cuz now I know how it feels to open up and breathe.
Something is wrong with me.. or right with me. I've never been more confused in my life. I'm losing my house in 30 days, moving 10 miles away to a place that isn't much better than this one. It doesn't really matter though. I don't plan to live with either one of my parents for much longer. I think I really like my friend from work, but I'm not sure so I'm probably not gonna do anything about it. Maybe though. Its so strange trying to date outside of school because you don't have that common setting to back yourself up on. The realm of adult dating.. bleh. I've pretty much lost a few friends in the past few months, and i'm just now coming to terms with it and accepting it. I just feel exhausted. I haven't really been doing much besides working and sleeping. A lot of the time i dont even feel like leaving the house, yet i hate being there. I hate seeing my dad, listening to him ramble because of his destroyed mind. I hate worrying about things. So I don't show my worry. I try to keep it inside and mentally abolish it, but i can't keep doing it. Its rotting my mind. Its making me exhausted, apathetic, and depressed. Just a few months ago i was surging with energy, always ready to go out and do things. Ive been staying happy though regardless. My friends make me happy. My little summer romance is exciting and makes me happy, i think?? It is adding the the confusion a little but not in a bad way. I think the thing i need to come to terms with now is that i can't run away from it all this time. I have to deal with my situation head on and be the adult. The time for people helping me is long over and i need to take action and stop procratinating things that need to get done. I need to prepare for moving, I need to go to college in the fall, i need to save my money from work, i need to take care of business. I care about everything, but where is my motivation? I need to get off my ass and move, there are no excuses to be made anymore. I'm ready to be an adult and start my own life. I dont exactly know my purpose right now but i really want to make a difference... at least to someone, and for myself. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|11:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
I never noticed, you're so amazing. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|11:07 pm] |
i badly need to go to a doctor. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2006|02:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ridiculous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | spinning spinny swirls spiral | ] |
I'm gonna drink a bunch of water and transform into a giant humanesque snail. |
|
|
| eww |
[May. 31st, 2006|04:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | GARBAGE | ] |
I've been watching Mind Freak all day because i couldnt find the remote and felt too dizzy to be sitting. Good God someone kill me please. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2006|02:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
oh man somethings horribly off again, not sure what but i can feel it. Its like listening to good piano player who all of a sudden slams his face onto the keys in a reckless fashion. Disharmony, the winds of change. The chaos never ceases.
Doesn't feel real anymore. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2006|03:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irate | ] |
I thought my demons were my friends. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2006|04:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the mars volta | ] |
I feel really strange, but it was a good day.
Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Let me die.
'Cause I’ll never, never sleep alone |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2006|04:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
I'm consistently inconsistent. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2006|03:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | incubus | ] |
I'm counting UFOs
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy...happy
i wish you were here. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2006|01:43 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Shack | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
OK everybody I know things seem grim now but I've got a plan just wait and see! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2006|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
quiet disharmony, what is it? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2006|12:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
dude totally rawed out right now not even funny... just ate way too much peanut butter too.. ehhhh |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2006|04:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dead kennedys-kill the poor | ] |
GET UP AND MOVE YOU FUCKING LEMMINGS! |
|
|
| Funkadelic Spintastic |
[May. 8th, 2006|02:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jamiroquai-canned heat | ] |
I used to buy my faith in worship,
But then my chance TO GET to Heaven slipped
I used to worry about the future
But then I threw my caution to the wind.
I had no reason to be care free
No no no, until I took a trip to the other side of town
Yeah yeah yeah, you know I heard that boogie rhythm
Hey- I had no choice but to get down down down down. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2006|02:42 pm] |
Wow, what is going on? I mean seriously what the hell happened? I know friendships don't last forever, but this is ridiculous. I am beginning to wonder if anyone will be friends for this summer, by the end of this month even? The drama dude, the fucking drama is tearing me apart. I'm so sorry for what i did, and didn't do, to anyone who considered me their friend. I'm a shitty person with no self-control, lacking a filter. I just can't handle the situations right now. My own life is a emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs. I try to help but its no place for me. As much as i want to take the easy path i wont give up, unless you want me to. And as hard as it is im not gonna run away. I really hope things straighten out. I love all of you guys I really do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2006|04:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Girls Gone Wild commercial | ] |
I wish I wasn't poor. My ultimate goal is to be on my own and independant. I hate having to depend on others to survive. I dont really believe in doctors or medication either. Basically the world is made up of crooks, vultures waiting and ready to claw out your eyes when you're weak. AND everything is incredibly superficial. There are so many girls who can't function without a layer of perfection over their faces. We are who we are can't change that. Ugliness is bone deep. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
|
everyday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2006|02:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ROCK | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | silly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I HATE MUSIC | ] |
I'm dead. However.. now my soul is stuck in the COMPUTER! dOh man bad sitcom on ze waY! |
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